At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
