I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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