oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
