In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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