btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are the jesus of drinking
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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