I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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