Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
