Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
