when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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