508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
