think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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