I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How naked do you want me to be?
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