Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
