Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
