so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
