Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
