we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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