my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
