We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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