i wish there were pregnant emoticons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
