Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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