$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize