Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
