He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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