the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
