hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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