she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
