Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
