I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
