Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am one with the molecules
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
