This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
