You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
