hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
