I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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