the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize