I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize