Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
