so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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