I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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