Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
