His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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