So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
