a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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