I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
