He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
