just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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