So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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