just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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