I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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