Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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