She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
