Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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