I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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