i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
