i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
