I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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