you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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