we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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