Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
