glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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