his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
