you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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