Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
