Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
