I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
